The Impotence of Being Earnest

I have a dog. I also have two children. Sometimes, I take all three of them out to the park at once. This is generally a horrible idea, as I end up standing in a field yelling three different names with no obvious reaction from any of the living things within a hundred yards. To the casual onlooker, I am just a sad lonely man all alone in the world, pockets full of crap, calling the names of his tormentors and then inexplicably asking the sky if anyone wants a treat. At the moments I can bring all three creatures into near-me orbit, we often find ourselves visiting with other dogs and their owners.

And then some jackass always says “I don’t have kids, but my dog is like my child.” As always happens when I’m confronted with statements of pathos and extreme loneliness, I just get angry. The conversation…

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